It's not odd. That's how I felt about him, too. If nothing else, I'm grateful for him.
Not to mention he was more than decent in bed, hah. Granted it didn't take much to impress me then. I'd slept with women before him but as you know, it's a different experience with men. Plus I was young. Didn't quite have those defined types yet.
Which, wow, you've got my number, huh? You've even got examples.
Thomas was closest to the Fenris category, if I had to slot him in. But again, I was easily impressed.
My father found out before I worked up the nerve to tell him myself. I still don't know how given how careful I was, but that's the reality of having a vampire spy as a dad. He took it as well as possible given the era. It took him a couple decades to come around completely, but until then it was just something we never talked about.
In retrospect, I think he was more worried about me than disapproving. He's the king of invasive questions these days.
Did it bother you, having to keep your sexuality under wraps for so long?
It bothered me some times more than others. I can't say I suffered, nothing so needlessly dramatic, it wasn't some source of unresolved angst in my life. But I would be wistful, now and then. I get along easier with men, but I favor women more.
It is what it is. There were more important things I needed to get done, and sex is rarely worth the risk.
Lol. That sounds right on the mark for you. I can't say I wholly disagree, but SOME sex is totally worth the risk.
Besides, it's exciting to do something you're not supposed to be doing.
His questions rank pretty high on the invasive scale but it's usually clinical stuff, not personal. He's much more accepting these days but I don't think he's wrapped his head around bisexuality as a concept just yet.
I've long since gotten over those sorts of conversations being awkward. I've spent the last 50+ years with him in my head, anyway. The TMI exchange is a two-way street.
Ahh, is that why we end up rutting in clubs so often?
[Far better to say that than something soppy like you were worth it. It's true, but also, let's not go nuts.]
My god, that's true, isn't it? I forget that sometimes, the two of you sharing that bond. Harlan and I have only just learned how to navigate that, and it's an imprecise science to say the least. Half the time we can't help thoughts spilling over anyway. You can well imagine the headache of adding Jesse into the mix; sometimes I swear I think things and it's one of them instead. And I thought it was bad when I was the fledgling . . .
Anyway: I cannot imagine my mother hearing unintentional details about what I fantasize about or what have you. Or, perish the thought, the other way around (though frankly I don't think she did fantasize about things).
You'll get the hang of it, just give it time. It sounds easier to keep your thoughts to yourself as a sire, but much more difficult to stop the stream of consciousness flood from your fledglings. And you took up two within a relatively short amount of time.
I don't doubt that you can handle it, but you have made more trouble for yourself.
As a note, my father and I have gotten very good at blocking each other out. He's not a lingering presence when we're together.
[Mmmostly, anyway. Slip-ups happen, and it's a lot easier to lock the door with sex than strong emotions. Jacob hasn't seen any sex tapes, but he is sometimes forced to read Newt's middle school diary, so to speak. There's been a lot of badgering about marriage recently.
But Rosalind doesn't need to know that, not yet.]
I imagine a fledgling is in my future, yeah. I never got around to having children before I turned, and fledglings are the next best thing. According to Dad, I mean. There's a loose expectation there.
[There's a bit of a pause. He's not wrong, not about her biting off nearly more than she can chew; wasn't that how all this started? And oh, but it is exhausting when both boys are near. She loves them— fiercely, selfishly, intensely— but good god, having two other people share your mind is so much.
That said: it's hard not to instinctively argue.]
You lost my panties last time. I'll complain as I like.
[Needling: successful, in other words. He knows it and so does she, but now they're going to play this game.]
What kind of fledgling are you imagining for yourself? I suppose that's one of the ways they're better than children: you can be sure you actually like them before you turn them.
[She absolutely saved Jesse on a whim without getting to know him first, but you know what, shit happens. Harlan was planned, Jesse is the surprise baby.]
Hey, that's on you. You should know better than to wear underwear you want to keep when we go out.
I haven't thought much about potential fledglings. If I start drumming up a wishlist, I'll never take one on. It took you hundreds of years to find someone that matched your criteria and I'd be just as picky.
Not that I plan to half-ass the choice but I'd rather not put myself in a box.
I do want someone teachable, though. Not fixer-uppers like yours, but I miss having students.
Did Harlan and Jesse actually meet your high standards or did you get tired of searching?
[Jesse is. Harlan was his own man before Rosalind came along; the work comes from trying to educate him in the ways of being a vampire, but that's every fledgling. Jesse . . . ah, Jesse. He's grown so much in the past few years. He's intelligent, for all he'd tried to bury it under years of drug abuse as a human. But he's willful and stubborn, and oh, so moralistic, and that comes with its own sets of challenges.
Not like her, Rosalind thinks, frowning down at her phone. No, she's never stubborn, or at least not like that, digging her heels in to be obstinate. If she insists on her way, it's only ever because she's right.]
Harlan met my standards. I observed him for a while before I turned him— although admittedly, he forced my hand by a good year or two. But it was not loneliness that had me seeking him out; he fascinated me. He still does. And Jesse—
He's a work in progress. But there is far more to him than meets the eye. More, I think, than even he realizes or wants to admit. If nothing else, he has something we all the rest of us lack.
[Another pause.]
I want him to meet your father sometime soon, if Jacob would be amiable towards it. I think it would do him good.
Right. Got it. Harlan is ~*~fAsCiNaTiNg~*~! Bully for him.
[Jealousy is not exactly what he would call the emotion he feels when Rosalind praises her precious fledgling. It can't be jealousy when he's still so confident that, between the two of them, Newt will always reign supreme in Rosalind's mind.
But, still. He doesn't like the guy, and thus doesn't love hearing how interesting and unique he is. Like, sure, he technically asked, but Ros was supposed to say "no, I got lazy and Harlan just happened to be within arms reach".
Anyway, he doesn't much care for Jesse either, but for different reasons. Jesse isn't a threat. He's entertaining, but benign. Newt at least understands why Rosalind chose Harlan, but Jesse... Newt's been scratching his head over that one for years.]
Something the rest of us LACK? Doubtful, unless you're talking addiction problems and an unchecked temper.
Oh, and an appreciation for orgies. :)
Which begs the question: why, exactly, do you want him meeting my dad?
I want him to meet your father because he could use a positive male presence in his life, and your father has the admirable tendency to parent anyone he feels might be in need of it.
[Herself included.]
And it would do Jesse good to have someone he does not feel he needs to prove himself towards— he does, you know, when it comes to you and I and Harlan. Even Fenris. He feels he has to present a front.
And what he has that we LACK is a moral center. He's still human in his mind, for all that he's leaned into the decadence of this lifestyle. He still has his morality, and . . . I will not say that will not be a problem in the future, but it's certainly something the rest of us have long since disconnected from.
He feels the need to prove himself because he DOES have to prove himself, you know. That's how the lot of us are and how court works. Species and lineage don't cut it, at least not socially.
Buuut hm, I agree that a softer presence might do him some good. And you're right, my father is good for that sort of thing. Maybe because he spent so long without a coven of his own.
I'll talk to him. I'm sure he feels Jesse is, in a sense, his grandchild.
Of course I won't, don't be silly. If anything, he's his stepgrandson.
And I don't think so, no. Certainly you occupy a position he doesn't. But "bully for him", Newt, really? He is fascinating. Why does it irk you I say so?
Dooooooon't. Don't. He'll latch on and it'll be a whole thing.
He'd start treating Jesse like a "step" grandson, how about that? He'd start slipping him five bucks when you're not looking and offering him Werther's originals. It'd ruin the whole "positive male presence" thing you're hoping to cultivate.
Anyway he's not that fascinating, Rosalind. He's a murderer. You find him interesting because he was a murderer BEFORE you turned him, but that just makes him an asshole. He's a rabid dog you collected and put in a petri dish, that's all.
It "irks" me because you're wasting your time with him. Surely you've got better things to research.
[Well now she's definitely going to let that slip to Jacob. Petty warfare and all, it won't backfire on her in the least.]
Oh, you have standards for me now. I see. Zero for two, apparently. Tell me: am I to sire now purely based on potential worth?
I get along with him. I like him. There's few enough people I can say that about; does that not count for anything?
And I'll thank you not to insult him. A rabid dog— you wonder why I think you jealous? Because there's no easier way to rile you up than to mention him in any capacity.
[Never mind the time she and Harlan pointedly banged within Newt's earshot, my, my.]
You know that's not what I mean. Sire whomever you want, it's your decision. I just don't like your decision.
Same as how I don't like that you like him. Aside from being an actual serial killer, he's rude and crass and insubordinate. You let him get away with too much.
Remember how he called me a Nazi? Remember how the two of you fucked damn near in front of me and he STILL gloats about it? Remember how Peter ripped out his throat because even he can see that Harlan steps out of line far too often?
He's got his benefits, I'll grant you that, but he's a loose cannon. It's purely luck and your intelligence that's kept him from causing some irreversible catastrophe.
It's not jealousy you're reading, it's frustration. If he brings you down with him then he'd better hope he's killed himself in the process.
And have you noticed that Peter hasn't executed him? That, in fact, Harlan defers to him now, swiftly and without question? His court manners are near-impeccable, and far better than some in the palace.
I do not let him get away with too much; believe me when I tell you that I scold him. I've had rows with him on why it was a bloody stupid thing for him to call you that; we've spent ages going over what I will and will not allow from him.
He's learning. I would not tolerate him if he ignored my teachings, and frankly, I find it insulting you think I would. You know me better than that. You know damn well I would do near anything to keep my position in court; do you really think the prospect of my having found a friend and companion would blind me to potential pitfalls? He is far from perfect, but he is learning.
[Ah. This is not quite what he wanted, but then, that's on him for expecting anything less.]
Well, good, I'm glad you've got him on such a tight leash. Good for you, managing to collar a murderer.
I mean that genuinely. Talk him up all you want, but that's your hard work paying dividends, not his. You're likely the only person who has both the skill and the patience to rein him in.
And you know, that's the weird part for me. You're right, I do know you, and I know how rare it is for you to have this kind of patience with anyone. You can't tell me it's unfair of me to ask, why him? Why of all people did you choose to take on a serial killer as a fledgling? I was hoping it was because you saw some sort of utility in him that you thought you could master, but no, apparently you like him.
[...So, maybe Newt's more jealous than he thought he was.]
Look, you know ME well enough to know I didn't mean any of this as an insult. Sorry it came off that way. Maybe you're not blind but I do think you're playing with fire and excuse me for not loving the sound of that.
And FOR THE RECORD, the sex may have been your plan but that doesn't make it better. He still went along with it and continues to throw it in my face! Where's my apology for THAT?
[Well, at least some of her hackles settle at that tonal clarification. Not all of them, but some.]
Did you ever apologize to him for nearly getting him executed? I know you did to me, but that isn't the same thing.
[But ah, that's more a pointed message than a real question.]
What are you afraid will happen to me? Trust I'll answer your question on why him in more detail, but tell me that. What do you fear I'm not cautious enough over?
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Not to mention he was more than decent in bed, hah. Granted it didn't take much to impress me then. I'd slept with women before him but as you know, it's a different experience with men. Plus I was young. Didn't quite have those defined types yet.
Which, wow, you've got my number, huh? You've even got examples.
Thomas was closest to the Fenris category, if I had to slot him in. But again, I was easily impressed.
My father found out before I worked up the nerve to tell him myself. I still don't know how given how careful I was, but that's the reality of having a vampire spy as a dad. He took it as well as possible given the era. It took him a couple decades to come around completely, but until then it was just something we never talked about.
In retrospect, I think he was more worried about me than disapproving. He's the king of invasive questions these days.
Did it bother you, having to keep your sexuality under wraps for so long?
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It bothered me some times more than others. I can't say I suffered, nothing so needlessly dramatic, it wasn't some source of unresolved angst in my life. But I would be wistful, now and then. I get along easier with men, but I favor women more.
It is what it is. There were more important things I needed to get done, and sex is rarely worth the risk.
How invasive is invasive?
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Besides, it's exciting to do something you're not supposed to be doing.
His questions rank pretty high on the invasive scale but it's usually clinical stuff, not personal. He's much more accepting these days but I don't think he's wrapped his head around bisexuality as a concept just yet.
I've long since gotten over those sorts of conversations being awkward. I've spent the last 50+ years with him in my head, anyway. The TMI exchange is a two-way street.
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[Far better to say that than something soppy like you were worth it. It's true, but also, let's not go nuts.]
My god, that's true, isn't it? I forget that sometimes, the two of you sharing that bond. Harlan and I have only just learned how to navigate that, and it's an imprecise science to say the least. Half the time we can't help thoughts spilling over anyway. You can well imagine the headache of adding Jesse into the mix; sometimes I swear I think things and it's one of them instead. And I thought it was bad when I was the fledgling . . .
Anyway: I cannot imagine my mother hearing unintentional details about what I fantasize about or what have you. Or, perish the thought, the other way around (though frankly I don't think she did fantasize about things).
[But actually, hm, that makes her wonder—]
Would you ever take a fledgling?
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I hope that's not a complaint.
[He knows it's not, but, time to needle.]
You'll get the hang of it, just give it time. It sounds easier to keep your thoughts to yourself as a sire, but much more difficult to stop the stream of consciousness flood from your fledglings. And you took up two within a relatively short amount of time.
I don't doubt that you can handle it, but you have made more trouble for yourself.
As a note, my father and I have gotten very good at blocking each other out. He's not a lingering presence when we're together.
[Mmmostly, anyway. Slip-ups happen, and it's a lot easier to lock the door with sex than strong emotions. Jacob hasn't seen any sex tapes, but he is sometimes forced to read Newt's middle school diary, so to speak. There's been a lot of badgering about marriage recently.
But Rosalind doesn't need to know that, not yet.]
I imagine a fledgling is in my future, yeah. I never got around to having children before I turned, and fledglings are the next best thing. According to Dad, I mean. There's a loose expectation there.
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That said: it's hard not to instinctively argue.]
You lost my panties last time. I'll complain as I like.
[Needling: successful, in other words. He knows it and so does she, but now they're going to play this game.]
What kind of fledgling are you imagining for yourself? I suppose that's one of the ways they're better than children: you can be sure you actually like them before you turn them.
[She absolutely saved Jesse on a whim without getting to know him first, but you know what, shit happens. Harlan was planned, Jesse is the surprise baby.]
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I haven't thought much about potential fledglings. If I start drumming up a wishlist, I'll never take one on. It took you hundreds of years to find someone that matched your criteria and I'd be just as picky.
Not that I plan to half-ass the choice but I'd rather not put myself in a box.
I do want someone teachable, though. Not fixer-uppers like yours, but I miss having students.
Did Harlan and Jesse actually meet your high standards or did you get tired of searching?
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They aren't fixer-uppers.
[Jesse is. Harlan was his own man before Rosalind came along; the work comes from trying to educate him in the ways of being a vampire, but that's every fledgling. Jesse . . . ah, Jesse. He's grown so much in the past few years. He's intelligent, for all he'd tried to bury it under years of drug abuse as a human. But he's willful and stubborn, and oh, so moralistic, and that comes with its own sets of challenges.
Not like her, Rosalind thinks, frowning down at her phone. No, she's never stubborn, or at least not like that, digging her heels in to be obstinate. If she insists on her way, it's only ever because she's right.]
Harlan met my standards. I observed him for a while before I turned him— although admittedly, he forced my hand by a good year or two. But it was not loneliness that had me seeking him out; he fascinated me. He still does. And Jesse—
He's a work in progress. But there is far more to him than meets the eye. More, I think, than even he realizes or wants to admit. If nothing else, he has something we all the rest of us lack.
[Another pause.]
I want him to meet your father sometime soon, if Jacob would be amiable towards it. I think it would do him good.
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[Jealousy is not exactly what he would call the emotion he feels when Rosalind praises her precious fledgling. It can't be jealousy when he's still so confident that, between the two of them, Newt will always reign supreme in Rosalind's mind.
But, still. He doesn't like the guy, and thus doesn't love hearing how interesting and unique he is. Like, sure, he technically asked, but Ros was supposed to say "no, I got lazy and Harlan just happened to be within arms reach".
Anyway, he doesn't much care for Jesse either, but for different reasons. Jesse isn't a threat. He's entertaining, but benign. Newt at least understands why Rosalind chose Harlan, but Jesse... Newt's been scratching his head over that one for years.]
Something the rest of us LACK? Doubtful, unless you're talking addiction problems and an unchecked temper.
Oh, and an appreciation for orgies. :)
Which begs the question: why, exactly, do you want him meeting my dad?
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[From orgies to his father, good grief.]
I want him to meet your father because he could use a positive male presence in his life, and your father has the admirable tendency to parent anyone he feels might be in need of it.
[Herself included.]
And it would do Jesse good to have someone he does not feel he needs to prove himself towards— he does, you know, when it comes to you and I and Harlan. Even Fenris. He feels he has to present a front.
And what he has that we LACK is a moral center. He's still human in his mind, for all that he's leaned into the decadence of this lifestyle. He still has his morality, and . . . I will not say that will not be a problem in the future, but it's certainly something the rest of us have long since disconnected from.
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Are you jealous of Harlan?
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Buuut hm, I agree that a softer presence might do him some good. And you're right, my father is good for that sort of thing. Maybe because he spent so long without a coven of his own.
I'll talk to him. I'm sure he feels Jesse is, in a sense, his grandchild.
(Please don't feed into that notion.)
[...]
SHOULD I be jealous of Harlan?
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And I don't think so, no. Certainly you occupy a position he doesn't. But "bully for him", Newt, really? He is fascinating. Why does it irk you I say so?
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He'd start treating Jesse like a "step" grandson, how about that? He'd start slipping him five bucks when you're not looking and offering him Werther's originals. It'd ruin the whole "positive male presence" thing you're hoping to cultivate.
Anyway he's not that fascinating, Rosalind. He's a murderer. You find him interesting because he was a murderer BEFORE you turned him, but that just makes him an asshole. He's a rabid dog you collected and put in a petri dish, that's all.
It "irks" me because you're wasting your time with him. Surely you've got better things to research.
[Someone's still bitter over that Nazi comment.]
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Oh, you have standards for me now. I see. Zero for two, apparently. Tell me: am I to sire now purely based on potential worth?
I get along with him. I like him. There's few enough people I can say that about; does that not count for anything?
And I'll thank you not to insult him. A rabid dog— you wonder why I think you jealous? Because there's no easier way to rile you up than to mention him in any capacity.
[Never mind the time she and Harlan pointedly banged within Newt's earshot, my, my.]
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Same as how I don't like that you like him. Aside from being an actual serial killer, he's rude and crass and insubordinate. You let him get away with too much.
Remember how he called me a Nazi? Remember how the two of you fucked damn near in front of me and he STILL gloats about it? Remember how Peter ripped out his throat because even he can see that Harlan steps out of line far too often?
He's got his benefits, I'll grant you that, but he's a loose cannon. It's purely luck and your intelligence that's kept him from causing some irreversible catastrophe.
It's not jealousy you're reading, it's frustration. If he brings you down with him then he'd better hope he's killed himself in the process.
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[Oh, they're going to address the rest of that, but one thing at a fucking time.]
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Again: what does that matter?
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And have you noticed that Peter hasn't executed him? That, in fact, Harlan defers to him now, swiftly and without question? His court manners are near-impeccable, and far better than some in the palace.
I do not let him get away with too much; believe me when I tell you that I scold him. I've had rows with him on why it was a bloody stupid thing for him to call you that; we've spent ages going over what I will and will not allow from him.
He's learning. I would not tolerate him if he ignored my teachings, and frankly, I find it insulting you think I would. You know me better than that. You know damn well I would do near anything to keep my position in court; do you really think the prospect of my having found a friend and companion would blind me to potential pitfalls? He is far from perfect, but he is learning.
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Well, good, I'm glad you've got him on such a tight leash. Good for you, managing to collar a murderer.
I mean that genuinely. Talk him up all you want, but that's your hard work paying dividends, not his. You're likely the only person who has both the skill and the patience to rein him in.
And you know, that's the weird part for me. You're right, I do know you, and I know how rare it is for you to have this kind of patience with anyone. You can't tell me it's unfair of me to ask, why him? Why of all people did you choose to take on a serial killer as a fledgling? I was hoping it was because you saw some sort of utility in him that you thought you could master, but no, apparently you like him.
[...So, maybe Newt's more jealous than he thought he was.]
Look, you know ME well enough to know I didn't mean any of this as an insult. Sorry it came off that way. Maybe you're not blind but I do think you're playing with fire and excuse me for not loving the sound of that.
And FOR THE RECORD, the sex may have been your plan but that doesn't make it better. He still went along with it and continues to throw it in my face! Where's my apology for THAT?
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Did you ever apologize to him for nearly getting him executed? I know you did to me, but that isn't the same thing.
[But ah, that's more a pointed message than a real question.]
What are you afraid will happen to me? Trust I'll answer your question on why him in more detail, but tell me that. What do you fear I'm not cautious enough over?
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